In order to get a clearer picture of what the life of an average, unemployed Nova teacher is like I have dispatched Asian Alien correspondent Nigel P. Witherspoon III to interview one. What follows is from Niles' report.


I sat down last evening in a dimly lit apartment to speak to 'Joe' about his life in recent times that I might glean a sense of what these unemployed Nova teachers are going through.

Me: Now, young Joseph, would you be so kind as to give my readers a rough sketch of how you pass a typical day since your employer closed its doors?

Joe: I don't think most people appreciate vodka as much as they should.

M: I do beg your pardon.

J: I think it must be the most versatile drink around. I mean, you can make any number or mixed drinks or cocktails using vodka as a base because of it has a pretty neutral flavor. You can mix vodka with almost any soft drink and it just adds a kick without really changing the flavor.

M: Sorry, Joseph, but I think my readers are less interested in your take on vodka than on your current lifestyle. Again, I put it to you - how have you been spending your time since Nova failed? Have you been, say, job hunting?

J: But it's not just good for mixing. Vodka shots are nice too. Everybody is really into Tequila shots these days, which I admit mess you up pretty quick, but actually a good vodka goes down a lot smoother. Do it like the Russians with a piece of raw garlic or slice of salami as a chaser. Either that or chase it with a swig of beer if you want to get drunk fast.

M: Right, fascinating. So would you say that you have been spending a lot of time drinking following Nova's demise?

J: Another thing about Vodka is that it's a lot cheaper than other spirits. Even a good bottle of Vodka will never set you back more than 1500 yen. And that's good when you're on a budget. Name me a decent whiskey for less than 2000 yen. Can't, can you?

M: Yes, I do see your point, but surely you've been doing more than just drinking vodka? Have you taken advantage of your time off to polish your resume, for instance? Or perhaps brush up on the old Japanese?

J: Vodka is pretty odorless too. If you mix Vodka people won't notice it on your breath at all. Just ask my wife. Actually, don't ask her 'cause than she'll know. But seriously, if you are looking for a pre-noon nip you should go with Vodka so others won't know you've been boozing.

M: Mmmm, yes, right. I see where not going to get much further with this. One more question Joe, are you willing to go back to Nova if and when it reopens?

J: Remember that Vodkas from Russia and Scandinavian countries are always the best. Kettle One is an exception - it's Dutch. Hey remember when the Michael Cain character in Austin Powers 2 said, "There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." That was pretty funny.

M: Uh, indeed. This has been Nigel P. Witherspoon the third reporting from 'Joe's' dimly lit vodka denizen.

Times must be tough when you receive rejection letters to jobs that you never applied for. I got both of these just yesterday.

The first is from the Iwate Takamori Kokuritsukoen, a national park that sits on 2.5 sprawling acres between several housing developments and a highway in Iwate prefecture.

Dear Mr G****,

Thank you for your request for information regarding positions vacant at the Iwate Takamori Ranger Station as advertised in the October issue of 'Foresters Almanac'.

Unfortunately we are unable to process your request at this time as your lack of experience in bark rehabilitation, specifically birch peel and oak molt disease control and response, means that you would not be allowed to hold the full Ranger/coordinator license required for this application.

We wish you luck in the future and, upon completion of the necessary certification we hope you will apply to any further positions offered within our department.

Kind regards,

Kimihisa Sakiyama.

If that weren't depressing enough I then received one from a Montreal based IT firm that specialize in worldwide fetish events.

Cher Monsieur G***** :

Apres une brève analyse de votre lettre de présentation et votre CV, nous regrettons de vous informer que nous ne sommes pas en mésure de traiter votre demande d'emploi chez "Japanese Panty Explosion in Paris!!

Nous vous prions de croire, Matthew, l'assurance de nos sentiments distingués.

L'équipe Japanese Panty Explosion in Paris

All is not lost however, I also received an unsolicited phone call from a Japanese company looking to restart a failed chain of language schools. They claim to be familiar with my work and evidently would like to place me ASAP. Given the tight job market in forestry, fetish events and eikaiwa, I might take them up on their offer.

(My regards to The Captain & Cramer for the bulk of the creative content herein)

Home Alone Waiting By The Phone
To judge from what is being posted in forums at Facebook, Gaijinpot and Let'sJapan, there are a lot of nervous, Nova teachers sitting by the phone just waiting for it to ring. After being promised employment we were then told to wait for a call. This whole episode must remind people of what it was like to start dating in High School. Does G-Comm like me? Will G call today, tomorrow, ever? Quick everyone,dandelions - he hires me, he hires me not

All's quiet on the Eastern Front










So G-Communications is now in the business of finding keys. Evidently this must be slow going as the only indication of branches re-opening that I've heard of is one in Nagoya, coincidentally in the same city that their head office is located. Guess they must be in good with the local locksmiths. Last week we were hearing that the Golden 30 might be up and running as soon as this week. Now it seems that only Nagoya is going to be open at the end of this week

This is the latest offering from the press - link
Funnily, it states that G-Comm wants to have the Golden 30 open by the middle of this month. Excuse me for pointing this out, but we are in the middle of this month. I don't blame the corporate entities as much as the media for these types of gaffes.

Meanwhile starving teachers prostitute themselves (figuratively of course) for as little as 500 yen a lesson if we are to believe this article. No wonder there is so much animosity from non-Nova teachers in Japan - this is really depressing wages. 3000yen an hour plus transportation should be the bare minimum. Yikes!

P.S. I did an article for Phil at ajarn.com - link

G's In Da' House

This grainy image that I snapped on my cell phone is of an informational meeting that was held in Nova's head office yesterday. It was one of two identical sessions held in Tokyo. Another two were held in Osaka, as well as several out of the way branches for those in the sticks. To be honest, there wasn't a lot of content that hadn't already been posted somewhere on the net. The receivers (government bankruptcy lawyers placed in charge of Nova) spoke. The acquiring company, G-Communications, spoke. Several government agencies spoke about unpaid wages and unemployment benefits. In fact, everyone except representatives of the failed Nova Corporation spoke. A bit disappointing as there was no one at whom to vent our collective spleen. However, it was nice to hear that G-Comm was offering employment to all who desired it, and furthermore would pay salaries regardless of whether there was a working location for employees. In effect they are going to pay us to stay home. A lot of people were of course skeptical of this, but I had run the scenario through my little noggin' and had come to the same conclusion. They really have no choice at this point. It would be the same as paying rent on locations that they may not reopen immediately - no pay, no play. Here G-dawg has made an investment to acquire the company, but if they lose the human infrastructure what good are all the chairs and textbooks. As for offering financial assistance, they really didn't, but will do some quick accounting to get people paid on the 1st of December for part of November. So I actually believe that these Gs are going to make good on their promise; it would be less logical if they didn't. I don't think they have any of the overseas recruiting apparatus so they basically have no way to constitute a workforce other than to start paying their destitute, orphaned Novaites forthwith. A slightly humorous remark made by the president of G-spot, and I paraphrase from memory, "We are all in difficult circumstances. For example, we don't currently know where the keys to many of the branches are." Great, let's keep it that way - I'm enjoying my paid holidays.

A pictureless post!

Somewhat dark days are upon us here in Japanland. Unfortunately, it now appears that Nova is unsalvageable. The Japanese staff will not have been paid for a month and our payday has, for the first time in my 8 years with the company, been pushed back from the 15th to the 19th, though I hold little hope that we will be paid on the 19th. I have been in touch with Phil at ajarn.com and will put together a multi page article on the details of Nova's demise when ('if' seems unrealistic) it fully submerges. Obviously losing a job is not a pleasant experience, but I do qualify for unemployment and have spoken with the owner at Hills about increasing my hours in the event Nova closes. I expect I will transition out of this much less painfully than some people with families, mortgages, etc.. I am not one to wallow in self pity...even if my life has been a hard one. I won't allow difficulty to stand in my way. I remember a youth spent sharing a bedroom with my brother and the stigma attached to not having a Nintendo as soon as it came out (we waited half a year as I recall). But these facts only inspired me to work hard at school and consistently pull down a B+ average. Though I could only afford a state University I was determined to prove my worth and I drank as much as many of the working class kids though they had more practice throughout high school. Upon graduation I was forced to flee the United States because of my fluency in French. I spent many a cold night in Quebec with only a belly full of beer (and shared apartment) to keep me warm. Later I came to Japan. Again I was persecuted due to the color of my skin and forced to drink for free at the behest of Japanese people looking for foreign friends...mine is a life of woe. A years sojourn in Thailand saw me temporarily rich on cattle ranching, but the expenses of keeping a farm forced me back to Japan and into this mess. Oh God, Why me? Why me? Soon I shall have to live without the means to eat out more than several times a week and I may even be forced to drink wines in provenance of Chile or South Africa. Nonetheless, I shall survive.

Where bladders are bursting and bowels are bulging...Where mere mortals search in vain for a vestibule of relief...Where last night's burrito and the morning coffee collide...Where happy hour drinks plead for an exit...One man stands alone against all odds...One man guides the urgently needy to an oasis of comfort...That man is...Toilet Man!

This blog haunts me. Not that I post frequently, but it does linger somewhere in the back of my head whispering, post, post, post you lazy son-of-a-bitch. I have been posting pictures and though that makes for a pleasant read, it's really difficult constantly coming up with a relevant image and half the time I end up posting with the picture as a starting point rather than just posting . With that, I've decided I am not going to necessarily post pictures anymore unless I have something relevant or entertaining.

The company I work for - Nova - is teetering on the verge of bankruptcy. Rumors abound and everyone drops in their 3 or 4 cents at least in internet forums. I have decided that if, in life, there is something over which I have no present, or future prospects, of control I will not worry about it. So like Bobby McFerrin, I don't worry... I be happy

My supposed weekly posts have now become monthly - shame on me. My mother visited in June and we had a lovely time seeking out the several unspoilt vistas in Japan in front of which a decent picture can be snapped. Here Mom and Pocky pose with a student of mine who pays for my time by laboring at a Japanese restaurant that coincidentally happens to find itself next to a Japanese garden. Serendipity!

What's Cooking?
Almost always something good around here. Take a look at what the wife whipped up the other night - not quite sure what it is , but it certainly was good. The combo of living in Japan with a Thai wife (who is a fantastic cook) puts me into the culinary sweet spot of Asia. Now if I could just incorporate a Chinese neighbor and Korean landlady into the mix - I might never leave.