Ma Song has won the lottery. I know you think I am taking the Mickey here, but I swear on my lucky, gold-enameled Buddha pendant it is true. I have dispatched Asian Alien field correspondent Nigel P. Witherspoon III to the village of Nong Sao to get the full story.

(camera pulls back from gaunt, pasty Englishman to reveal a small Isaan style dwelling. chicken sounds are distantly audible on the boom mike.)

Yes, very well then, this is Nigel P. Witherspoon the III reporting. I am here with Mrs. Jomthong. Mrs. Jomthong, if you will permit me to be so bold,what is the precise amount of your winnings?

1000 baht - Thai baht.

Right, Thai baht, yes, very well. And I should add for our readers residing in nations whose currency is not the afore mentioned 'Thai' baht, that the approximate value of one thousand 'Thai' baht is 13.379 Pounds British. Furthermore, those for whom the British Pound is not a money whose value is readily recognizable, well, you should have consider your allegiances while you had the chance. Right, moving along. Mrs. Jomthong, how do you plan to spend such a gigantesque sum of money, not all at once I should hope?

Well, I was able to visit my daughter and son-in-law for the second time in the week. Also I went to a local temple and made a donation. I might buy fresh fruit. I was thinking of going to an all-you-can eat restaurant. But my daughter assures me we can bilk that out of her husband at some later date.

Oh, very good, bilking, I should like to do some of that myself. They have me on an absolute pittance here, and I am from Sussex-on-Avonshire Trent. Are you familiar with East Anglia? A lovely place, really, lovely. But I digress. One last query, if you permit, if you were to approximate the total sum of monies you have spent over the years playing the lottery, would this winning put you now ahead of the proverbial 'game'?

Oh no, this is only about twenty five dollars US. Over the years I may well have dumped a thousand dollars into this lottery, not to mention other games of chance.

Oh, well, yes, with financial skills such as yours I cannot envision such a windfall be squandered, well not in the next twenty-four hours anyway. So, there we have it. A touch of serendipity befalls a humble villager from Nong Sao. Well, that's all for now. Reporting for Asian Alien, this has been Nigel P. Witherspoon the Third. Cheerio.

(camera cuts out several seconds later whilst Nigel vigorously brushes at his pant cuff in a vain effort to remove what appears to be chicken droppings)