A quiet day, we went out to That Luang. That is the national Stupa of Laos (is the subject of this sentence a deictic expression or proper noun?). It was all right and worth the excursion. A Japanese man asked me to take his picture and I was immediately reminded of Japan and work, things which seem far away. We then visited the Revolutionary Museum. Great stuff. They had a small dusty display vaunting medicines developed in Laos. To think where modern medicine would be today without the Laotian pharmalogical contribution. My favorite part of the museum was the part dedicated to "The Kickin' out of Frenchie!", though I'm not sure that's the actual historical terminology used to describe the period. To celebrate "The Kickin' out of Frenchie!" that evening we went to a French restaurant where I spent a whopping 20$ making it the most expensive meal of my trip.
I should note that I am reading "The Quiet American" by Graham Greene. It's quite an appropriate book for this vacation. It chronicles a love triangle and political subterfuge during the 1950's in Vietnam, a period that may also deserved to be called...you guessed it..."The kickin' out of Frenchie!"

Got a baguette and paté sandwich at the Talaat Sao, morning market. There are some remnants of the colonial period - signs, houses, food, and most disturbing...French tourists. There's a biting irony in this. The French have come to revisit their former colony only to find all the locals have discarded French as their second language in favor of English. Take that Frenchies! The Lao actually may speak English better than the French, so the tables have been completely turned. Ouhh, zat hutz! I snapped a picture of the National Library to give the reader a general impression of what remains of the French influence. I almost feel like digressing into a rant on Francophonie, which is the promotion of French as a world language, but I'll spare you as the French must be still be smarting from a little something called the 20th century.
In the afternoon we went to the Paxutai monument and took some more pictures. My impression here was one of surprise at the number of Thai tourists. Laos must be one of the only countries in the world were Thais are actually tourists and not the toured (excuse my strange passive-voice). After lunch we went to several more temples and snapped the requisite photos. Suffice it to say they were old and had some old stuff inside.
Our tuk-tuk driver today was wearing a drab, olive US Air Force shirt. Oh the dripping irony!!! Do you realize the US Air Force dropped close to 2million tonnes of bombs on this country? And this guy is sporting one of their shirts!

We are here! Lao PDR. We passed over the border with relatively little difficulty. So much for the rip-off travel agencies, though even the tuk-tuk driver tried to veer us into one en route to the Friendship Bridge.
Impressions of Laos: Looks a lot like Isaan, but with some swank villas built amongst the shacks - no doubt Party members houses - Jenjira thought, and I quote "Laos is a rich country". Ha! The ubiquitous Pepsi ads and Beer Lao instead of Singha or Chang beer seemed to be the only surface differences between the two countries. The cars seem a bit older too and there are some old communist area Eastern European clunkers on the road. It's essentially the same as Thailand, but slightly duller - the kind of feeling you get crossing the border from the States into Canada (sorry, it had to be done!).
As we came into the capital of Vientiane we rode in past the Patuxai monument. It looks like an Oriental Arc de Triomphe. Our hotel is right next door. Called the Royal Dokmaideng, it has a certain aged grandeur and the spacious rooms come complete with teak wood trimmings, huge mirrors and teak furnishings. Cool.
We walked around in the afternoon. Haven't seen much yet. Jenjira wants a picture with the schoolgirls because unlike in Thailand they all wear a 'sin' skirt as part of their uniform. In general, she doesn't seem that excited about Laos, "It's the same as Thailand". Granted I can't get worked up about Canada (wow, the anti-Canadianism in me!)
At night we went to the Kop Jai Deu. It's a restaurant thats name means 'Thank you' and it is essentially a restored French colonial villa that has a terrace. During the day it looks pretty, but at night it's splendid with lights illuminating the whole facade. Several years ago someone threw a bomb in the terrace. Several people were injured and they now check your bags. The incident was never solved, but I decided not to share this information with Pok and instead we purchased a ticket for New Year's Eve - all you can eat and drink for 12 dollars. Yipee!!!

We rented a small motorcycle to drive around Nong Khai. I actually wasn't permitted to drive by my girlfriend, with good reason because I could hardly start it. The definite highlight was Sala Keaw Ku (no idea how it's pronounced), known by its western appellation as Buddha Park. The park was full of strange statues created by a cult that practiced a fusion of Buddhism and Hinduism. It was the kind of weirdness you expect from Southeast Asia. It had a certain 'Apocalypse Now' quality to it. I was expecting Colonel Kurtz to be seated behind on of the statues muttering incoherently to himself.
In the late afternoon I started to feel about smothered by the constant time together with Pok, but a drink in the evening smoothed things out.
I should mention that the travel agencies in Nong Khai are complete rip-offs. It's 30$ for a visa at the border with taxi being 1$ and passport pictures even less. So, it makes sense that the travel agency are trying to get you for 50$ or more. In this case, lack of knowledge does really mean loss of money. Fortunately I am literate, so I wasn't snagged by these guys.

We left Ban Nong So this morning and drove back to Khon Kaen to return the rental car and catch a train north to Nong Khai, a city that sits on the border of Laos. Second stupid move of the trip I left my wallet on the desk at the rental agency. It had US300$ in various currencies, plus my credit card and a load of other important shit. I could have kicked myself. I realized at the train station and the agency was nice enough to actually drive my wallet to the station for me. No harm no foul, but a close call. The train ride from Khon Kaen to Nong Khai lasted about three hours. It cost us two dollars a piece. The ride from the station to the hotel in Nong Khai was the same price. We checked into a tourist trap called the Pantawee hotel. It's run by this old transvestite and it stinks of touristic rip-offs. We had a great dinner on the Mekong river from which we could see Laos on the other side. We will be here until the day after tomorrow as our hotel reservations in Vientiane aren't until the 29th.

Woke up early this morning and went to the market at 7am, but the best of it was finished. I am starting to get frustrated by the villagers, especially Ma Song who seems to have her hands in my pockets all the time. I am also tired of people gawking at me while I eat. Even as I wrote this entry (in my notebook) a lady leaned over my shoulder to watch me write. Have they never seen a person write. Actually, that may be close to the truth. I learned that some are illiterate, not really a surprise.
In the afternoon things got better. The girlfriend and I drove around and took some pictures and generally got away from others. At night they had a 'soo kwan' or good luck ceremony for Jenjira and I. It was quite interesting. They created a bouquet out of leaves and flowers. I put on the traditional garment I bought earlier in the week. As we kneeled in a praying pose they wrapped a string around the bouquet and through our thumbs. Then we had to repeat some Buddhist incantations. It was performed by a village elder, though not a monk. He continued to chant for what seemed like eternity reading entire pages from some holy book. After that he sprinkled whiskey on us via a leaf. This is meant to be a sort of blessing. I must add that Pa Lom was quite happy that there was whiskey present. After that all the family and friends tied strings onto our wrists one by one. I must have about twenty one each arm. We are supposed to keep them on for three days. Some people even attached money. Finally there was eating and drinking.

It's Christmas and I'm hungover. Funny, the rural Thai villagers don't seem to worked up over the coming of Christ. Oh well. Last night we went back into Kalasin with some of Pok's (Jenjira) friends. We went to the hottest bar in Kalasin. It was a western style affair with live band singing Thai rock songs. All of the drinking establishments in Thailand sport Christmas lights as decorations, but it has nothing to do with the season. It felt a little Christmasy nonetheless. After we drank and ate and I paid we went on to a disco. It was huge with big stage and lots of cute dancing girls, but we were practically the only patrons. The DJ said something about Merry Christmas, which was the first time I'd thought about the holiday during the trip. When Thai people talk about Christmas they always say 'Merry Christmas' like it was a compound word and not a greeting. "Hung ma so ne Merry Christmas na fong ke ha". It's not actually Thai, but that's what it sounds like to me. So, I was quite drunk last night and my head's pounding today.
This afternoon we went out to a piece of land owned by an old man and woman. There's a small fruit field that Ma Song tends. They were in the process of building a house. We ate some sugar cane and I saw Pa Tom's (girlfriend's stepfather) cock. I mean rooster of course (what were you thinking?) It was evidently a champion fighter worth 10,000Bht, 250$. It fetched 1,200 a fight (you can do the currency conversion this time). They asked me if I wanted to see a cock fight. I thought they meant an organized event and I said yes. Turns out they were going to have them fight for my benefit only. Sounded like bad karma, so I said no, but I did see a little fight when one of the roosters got out of its cage and confronted the champion who was allowed to roam free.
In the evening we went back to Kalasin and had another excellent meal - Thai style burritos - which I had the pleasure of paying for.

Ah, Xmas eve. The villagers were up early as usual. I might mention that the rice harvest has finished and lots of the villagers wander about listlessly without much to do but stop by and watch me eat. I am an endless source of fascination for them. Jenjira and I have an ongoing joke about opening an internet cafe in the village "Everyone would come - to look". Today they started drinking at breakfast. I can't figure them out. They have strange patterns of behavior. Someone brought some beer and whiskey and they started drinking. I'm thinking how long will this go on? Suddenly the all just kind of wander off after an hour. I have a slight eye infection from all the dust that's flying around. No big deal, but all the villagers seem concerned. "We'll take you to the hospital". "No thanks", I say. From the looks of it some of them should go to the hospital, and they're worried about me!?
I met a 90 year old woman (though there was much discussion about her actual age) who seemed healthy. She was so happy to see me. She kept stroking my leg and saying "suai", beautiful. She spoke to me in Thai rather than Lao - I still didn't understand - because that's the language of city folk and her children were living in the city. In this picture she's immediately to the left of me.
In the afternoon we drove to Kalasin to do some errands and ended up getting Ma Song's (girlfriend's mother) TV out of hock from the pawn shop to the tune of 3000Bht, 75$. At that point I blew up because we had been spending so much money. Oh well, it's just money. The village is a good life lesson; it puts things in perspective.

This morning I woke up early to go to the village market. I got there around 8am, but it was already winding down. The market consisted of mostly foodstuffs: vegetables, fruit, meat. The butcher severed a pig's head right in front of me, which I thought was pretty cool. I bought a traditional Isaan piece of clothing worn by men. It's essentially a skirt that you wrap around your legs. After the market we dropped in on Jenjira's elementary school teachers. In the afternoon a bunch of us piled into the car and went to see the sights of Kalasin. First we went to a wildlife conservation area/monkey zoo and then we went to the Lom Pao damn. The damn belongs in the Guinness book for being the world's longest earthen damn - fun stuff. After the damn we went to a floating restaurant and had lunch 'kun chae naam pla', which means 'tasty,spicy shrimp dish' or something. It, like all the meals I had, was excellent. And I got to pay. Then we went off to see some dinosaur fossils. These dinosaur fossils were interesting, but the whole area has these cheesy dinosaur statues and you feel like you're at some cheap amusement park when you drive up to the fossil site. I also had to take a burning piss the entire time I was at the site, so that tempered the general awe at seeing dinosaur remains.

Today started early as we left from Bangkok's Don Muang airport headed for the provincial capital of Khon Kaen in the Northeast of Thailand. The flight took forty minutes. We almost missed the flight after realizing that I had left the battery charger for the digital camera back at the apartment. We had already checked our bags and had an hour to wait when this occurred to the girlfriend. Now, my digital camera is useless without the charger as the battery only seems to last for about an hour and I've become somewhat obsessive about vacation photos, so we needed the charger. In a bold race against time Jenjira went back home to get it. The trip one way is twenty minutes - round trip forty if the traffic allows (and Bangkok traffic may be the worst in the world), little time margin. She made it, but we were the last people on the plane and got some dirty looks, though the plane wasn't delayed.
When we landed her mother, stepfather, aunt and uncle were waiting for us at the airport (note: not real aunt and uncle, but Thais call older friends that). We went to a car rental agency in Khon Kaen and got a Toyota Corrolla sedan for 1,200Bht, 30$ a day. I didn't have any driver's license with me, but who cares this is Thailand and I had a credit card and cash. I handed them my Japanese ID card when they asked for a license. With the Chinese characters you would never know it wasn't a license, kind of like in 'Black Rain' when Michael Douglas gives up his prisoner to the Yakuza pretending to be police agents who have him sign an insurance form thinking it was a legal document of release (understand?).
Driving to her small village gave me a great feel for the Isaan landscape. Isaan is the name for the northeastern region of Thailand. Anyway, the scenery is quite beautiful, fairly flat with sparse tree cover. We stopped for lunch at a restaurant that consisted of huts on river. The meal was great and six people at their fill for less 710Bht, 18$ - all on me, of course. Throughout my stay in the village I pretty much footed the bill for everything. It got kind of exasperating, but the people are quite poor, so I couldn't really begrudge them money, plus I wanted to be generous, but it seemed they knew no end to my generosity. Her house was in a village called Ban Nong So (pronounced 'baa nawng saw') which is about twenty minutes from the minor city, pop. 50,000, of Kalasin. Khon Kaen, by comparison, has 134,000 people. Ban, meaning village Nong So is located slightly Northeast of Kalasin and is written 'Nong Sa' on this map.
After we got to the village, pop.10,000. I took a nap and Jenjira drove the rental car around town, most likely to show off, and proceeded to run over a chicken. There were chickens everywhere, much to my amusement. I was perplexed and amazed by the chickens during my entire stay. For one thing, they woke me up at 5am every morning. Another thing that intrigued me is how the owners identified their chickens from others "They just know" was the response I got. Also, the chickens weren't in a coop or pen, so why didn't they wander off "They know their home". I kept on thinking of the recent concept of free-range chickens. It would be inconceivable to the villagers that there existed anything but free-range chickens. There were a lot of things I liked about the village, one of them being how their lifestyle would turn a lot of our civilized notions upside down. In a private joke to myself every time I saw the chickens I would think 'There go those free-range chickens again'. To come back to the story of the run-over chicken, the owner was indemnitized 40Bht, 1$ for the loss. That was one chicken that shouldn't have crossed the road (sorry).
In the evening we visited her father's family (parents are divorced). Her Aunt was at home with two grandchildren. Kind of sad, their parents were alcoholics and the Grandmother looked after the two little boys. We gave the kids a jacket we had bought in Bangkok and took their old TV to be repaired. At the store we met her father, Pa Lom. To put in nicely, he was a bit tipsy and it seems he spends the better part of his days in such a state. He was quite glad to see us we gave him 500Bht before the night was through. Dinner was quite good, rice, som tam (papaya salad) chicken soup. The villagers eat quite well.

Didn't do much today. Stayed in the apartment trying to save a bit of money after the last couple days of spending. We ate with the next door neighbor Pi Nan. 'Pi' is a Thai honorific prefix that is used with people older than you. The Thai also have 'kun' which works like Mr./Mrs. or the Japanase 'san'. In any case, Pi Nan is only about twenty-nine. We are leaving tomorrow, so Jenjira gave Pi Nan the key to her apartment. I'm not sure why, but with a bit of omniscient foreshadowing I'll tell the reader that this was a bad move.

Today we went to Khao San Road, a backpackers haven immortalized in the Leonardo Dicaprio bomb "The Beach". The place is a bit of the world turned on itself because what started as a series of cheap guest houses for backpackers touring Thailand has become a tourist attraction in itself. It's now considered a very stylish street by young Thai celebrities. To me, it's hell. Nothing worse than backpackers - and that's not a statement of opinion. They tend to be worse snobs than the rich tourists they so despise, but more often then not they are the ones who are insensitive to local customs; going shortless, shoeless, braless, topless, smoking, stoned, drinking, drunk wherever they please. Anyway, I'll leave Khao San to them.

I had a great massage, but realized I had to piss halfway through. I was so relaxed that in the end I almost forgot I wanted to relieve myself. After Khao San we went to Pratunan - garment district - to pick up some clothes for some of the villagers in Isaan. In the evening we went out in front of the girlfriend's apartment for a street meal. It was a veritable feast. We had 'hot and sour fish with a vegetable ragout' and 'grilled scallops' along with a couple beers. I credit Lonely Planet with the dish names. The whole meal was 8$, but in an American restaurant you would easily pay four times that. Granted American restaurants don't usually have rats running along next to your table, but that just adds a bit of ambiance to the meal, doesn't it?

Last night after Bday shopping we went out to the 'World Trade Center', which is just a shopping complex in downtown Bangkok. There was a huge beer garden set up, or rather several beer gardens each sponsored by a different brewery - Singha, Heineken, etc.. They served the beer in 3.5 liter mini kegs that cost about 400Bht or 10$. We drank a fair amount with Jenjira's friends: Pi Nan, Lek, Naam and two drunk Thai guys who stumbled into the fray. We stopped on the taxi ride home for more beer and someone spilled a whole keg cup of beer into the cab for which I tipped the pissed-off cabbie a bit extra. I was fairly hungover today and only went out to Carrefour, the big French department store. Similar to Carrefour in Japan and France it touts girls on roller skates as its main attraction. Picked up some mosquito repellent for the countryside hoping not to get malaria.

This morning we went to Wat Soitong and made an offering to the temple to offset our apparent bad karma. The girlfriend consulted with a fortune teller who predicted an end to our relationship. It should not be understated how seriously the Thais take this stuff. This offering was the very first thing we did together after I arrived. It consisted of making an offering of toiletteries and food to the temple, after which we purchased several eels that we subsequently released into the river, thereby creating merit. After we set everything straight with the gods we went shopping where I spent to much money on a gold bracelet for Jenjira's birthday which happens to be today

I arrived in Bangkok at 4:30 pm after a long six-hours on Air India. AI served crap chicken curry and no Bollywood movies much to my disappointment, just 'Mad About You reruns' - terrible. I didn't like the exchange rate in Narita, but I should have because it's worse in Thailand. I've learned my lesson.

The thing about working a lot is that it tends to kill your creativity in the off hours, or at least that's the excuse I'm making for my extended absence. Thank you to those who inquired into my health due to a lack of entries - it shows you've been reading. Actually, I've been on the computer a fair amount the last few days trying to book rooms in Laos. Part of me wants to be a bit more spontaneous and just show up à la lonely planet backpacker types, but as I plan to be in Laos at New Year's and a lot of the hotels I checked were fully booked, I decided to play it safe. Judging by the numbers of websites I'd say that people are doing two things in life - looking at porn and booking hotel rooms. Put in the name of any hotel in any location on google or other such browsers and you're likely twenty different online travel agency that can reserve the same room. Moreover, their policies are all slightly different leading me to accidentally double book a room when I thought I was just checking availability. I think I've got it 'sorted' as the Brits would say. Sorry I don't have anything more salient, but I'm a bit worn down.

I have just uploaded some pictures from my first Thailand trip onto the link at right. They are a lot better than the shit I took the second time around, so worth a look. Or click here

Plagued with sickness I haven't been very faithful to this blog. The truth is I have been suffering from conjunctivitus for the last several days, which makes staring at a computer screen a painful task. My convalescence has also deprived me of my normal wry sense of the absurd and pithy turn of the pen (or tap of the keyboard, as it were). Alas, I can only lament so much, for I, like others, am bound in my mortal coil to fall ill and weak. Enough of the 'la merde du taureau' or bullshit in more common parlance, here's my tentative itinerary for the upcoming trip - I know you (meaning Cramer because he's the only one that reads my pointless prose) have been waiting for this with baited, or booze-foul breath.

I will arrive in Bangkok where I will spend one or two nights with the girlfriend. I anticipate being immediately afflicted with the runs. After spending a fair amount of time on the gravity toilet - it doesn't flush, you just dump water in it - we will fly to her hometown up in Northeastern Thailand in a place called Kalasin. I am told it is a pretty small village, so I might be the first white man to set foot in town. I shall, undoubtedly, be vilified in history as the first white men anywhere are, but I'll enjoy my fame while it lasts. After several days of throwing back Mekong whiskey with her alcoholic father, we will head North again. We'll probably take a train or bus to Nong Khai. NK sits on the border of Laos where we'll be able to grab a visa for thirty bucks US - and get this, they prefer US currency. Once in the world's third or fourth poorest country (who's counting anyway) we will procure a wheelbarrow full of kip (the world's third or fourth most useless currency) and hang out in the capital Vientaine for a day or two. After which, god willing, we will board Lao Aviation and fly an hour North to Luang Prabang, a world heritage city. It's got lots of cool stuff like temples and buddhas and other neat things I'm not really sure about. Finally we will fly down to civilization - Bangkok. There are a number of things that could happen to me along the way; malaria, road/plane accident, hepatitis A,B or C, pirhanas, man-eating tigers, Godzilla, you name it. So, if I perish I bequeath this blog to Jonathan Cramer. He will be allowed to change the name to 'Canalien' or something clever like that.
Love,
Matt

I spent the better part of this morning in a doctor's office, more precisely, waiting room. This is not my first visit and I can say that I have become downright accustomed to the routine of it. Although I don't enjoy the experience I see it as a linguistic accomplishment to deal with the medical establishment entirely in Japanese. I'm not self-aggrandizing, but anyone who knows me knows that I have a keen interest in language. I tend to see language as one of the bonuses of living abroad. How even the mundane task of dealing with people at the post office can be made challenging when there is a language barrier is vastly exciting for me. Some people climb mountains, some skydive, I, on the other hand, throw myself into strange situations in a foreign language. Granted I only run the risk of embarrassment and no great physical danger (I suppose getting it wrong at the doctor's might entail physical danger?), nonetheless it adds something to the daily grind of living. The problem becomes when you reach a certain mastery of the language. At such time the challenge disappears and apathy sets in. "I would like a money order to be sent to the US" losses its appeal after a dozen or so times. In France my crowning moment was telling off a bus driver for not giving me a ticket I had purchased. In Japan it may well have been describing to the doctor certain unpleasant symptoms with which I was afflicted. I suppose it's time to be moving on. I've been studying Thai, but I can't even competently order food yet. The future prospect of bribing my way out off a Thai jail or buying a small island in their language excites me even now. Sawadee Khrap!

Haven't been feeling at the top of my game lately, so I haven't had any witty, insightful diatribes to bore you with. Work is proving a steady, dull companion that will be with me pretty much right up until I leave for Thailand on the 17th of December. I'm flying Air India. Moreover, I may, if things go to plan, even find myself on Lao Aviation. So, I expect that those who read this will offer up prayers for my safe transit to their respective gods. I will outline my trip plans in greater detail in an upcoming entry.