Not only is it a bargain sale, but also price down and limited sale

Having fried the keyboard on my new computer, it's with great appreciation that I welcome back the Captain's creative genius.

Dear Mr G****,

I am writing regarding your complaint concerning the application process for positions vacant in the R/D department of the Kyushu Tuna Farm Feasibility Project.

As I am sure you are aware we protect the confidentiality of all applications and take the issue of applicant privacy very seriously; to this end I am unable to give you any information regarding which applicant gained the position and to how we arrived at a final shortlist. Although I cannot fulfill your request for information I can give you a breakdown of why your own application was unsuccessful.

1.Throughout my career in both university and governmental level commercial piscine breeding research projects I have yet to come across a food fish, either freshwater or oceanic, that required tutelage in the difference between noun and verb forms in modern English. Although you make a good case for ever depleting tuna stocks needing business English to get ahead in the "ever tightening Asian job market", I do not believe that a) tuna have a larynx that can manipulate air flow to the degree required for human speech, or b) they care one whit above nothing about eikaiwa jobs opening up across Beijing and other industrial Chinese cities.

2. As you state in your resume and referred to a number of times in your letter of complaint you have, having grown up in rural New England, had a great deal of exposure to modern ploughing techniques. Although your proposal to set up a training program to improve our general skill base here at KTFFP I feel it is important to point out that fish farms have never, to the best of my knowledge, employed Peterbilt or John Deer tractor equipment at any of the world`s fish farms.

I hope this letter has answered your questions fully and successfully.

Kind regards,

Toshiko Yamada, Chief Researcher and Personnel Officer, KTFFP

For your consumption

With all my attention focused on the plight of Nova and its teachers I failed to dedicate much page space to the students. In order to rectify this, Niles P. Witherspoon III was sent on assignment to get a feel for how the students are enduring life without their regular fix of communication with the foreign countries people.

Hironobu Ogura is a former Nova student of five years who found himself out two hundred thousand yen when Nova filed for protective bankruptcy on the 26th of October. His frustration surely resonates with many who were caught up in what is being dubbed the worst post-war consumer scandal to hit Japan.

NPWIII: Mr. Ogura, bring us back, if you will, to the moment when you first learned Nova was closed and you wouldn't be able to continue classes.

HO: I'm fine thank you and you.

NPWIII: Very well, thank you. So, when did you find out Nova was closed?

HO: Maa...soo desu ne... I think Nova close...maybe end October...kana.

NPWIII: Precisely, the end of October. But what was your reaction to losing so much money. You were out almost 2ooo dollars American, were you not?

HO: You are American people? I very like New York. Also Los...I am baseball fan Dodgers. How about you?

NPWIII: Ah, well, I suppose if I were forced to patronize a sporting contest, it would be cricket. Anyway, back to the main thrust of this. Were you quite angry that Nova's bankruptcy essentially defrauded you of a lot of money?

HO: I think so. How about you?

NPWIII: No, no. I never attended Nova. I am a journalist. The question is...Are...you...angry? (making devil horns with my fingers - Japanese body language for angry).

HO: Oh yes! Anry. Maa...ne... And I question you?

NPWIII: Very well.

HO: Can you eat Japanese food?

NPWIII: I do like it, if that's your question.

HO: Can you raw fish?

NPWIII: Sushi? Yes. Now back to Nova. Would you consider signing up with the new Nova? New Nova good?

HO: How about Japanese chopstick? You can use?

NPWIII: Good lord. I do hope Nova reopens quickly. You certainly need another 5 years.

HO: Thank you for your kindness.

The Devil Is In The Detail

This is a shot of a an enka performance held in front of the station where I've started back to work. Enka is a form of Japanese music that predates J-pop. It's heavy on vocals with a muzak accompaniment. Think cat strangulation in an elevator.

This is a pond


I started work yesterday for G-Nova. To clarify Nova is a school name that is owned by G-Communication and seemingly overseen by G-Education, a subsidiary of G-Communication. To the best of my understanding Nova is not a company owned by G-Communications in so far as we will be receiving our wages directly through G-Communications which owns G-Education, which in turn is running some former Nova schools under the Nova name. Hope that was as clear as mud. Without going into all the dry details, we were given two options - a)immediate employment and a 50,000yen salary advance if so desired / b) a payment (retainer fee) of 150,000yen to start work January 10th. About two-thirds of us took the first option as it was more money overall. One thing that surprised me is that there were only about twenty-five teachers that were in a attendance yesterday. This was the first branch to open in the region and would be the starting point for most teachers left in the area. Twenty five is only about five teachers heavy to run the branch (it used to be fairly big) at full capacity, meaning that there is not as much excess as I had predicted. Unless I am extrapolating too much from one random school, G-Nova doesn't have the teacher numbers to open very many branches. And then there is the one-third that chose the potential 'take the money and run' option b. Will they even bother to come back now that they have airfare home?

All the lights are on, but no one's home

I taught a private lesson yesterday at the shopping center where one of my old branches was located. A now notorious 'satellite' school that was part of the recipe for disaster,this branch never had more than one teacher at any given time and often the students (if there were any) got lucky man to man lessons. In short,the place was hemorrhaging money. Although it will likely never reopen, it's protected by the bankruptcy proceedings. The lights in the back were off, but I assume that the front lights are on the shopping center circuit, hence the useless illumination.

In other news, I was contacted by the G-men. If you think this takes some of the bite out of my last post, I would disagree. Their timing may seem fortuitous, but I held off on that post for several days. As for my assertion that we were somewhat misled...I stand by it. So will I go back and work for these guys? Yes. Why? Why not? They are going to give me my old days off allowing my to continue working at Hills. The combined income is something I couldn't get elsewhere without entering the perilous world of headhunting. I'm not going to cut off my nose in spite of my face. I came back to Japan for one reason, and one reason only...money. I would be back in Thailand tomorrow if I had a financial windfall. My purpose in being here is not to build a career, rather than to save enough that in 3 to 5 years I can return to Thailand with money invested. My hope is that the investment will create a second income stream that will equal that of a teaching salary. In other words, my total income would be double that of an average TEFLer in Thailand. If I can achieve this then I will be more or less financially secure and will have a lifestyle that I would not have otherwise. The only question is will G-Nova be around for another 3 to 5 years. That will be the subject for another post. But things are not off to a stellar start...

(Mis)Communication is leaving a lot of people out in the cold. They have some pretty big shoes to fill as they are taking on the most scandalous English outfit in Japan, if not the whole of Asia. It seems they are up to the challenge, however. G-String, as they will be known henceforth due to the fact they are already stringing along employees, has begun operations predicated on the insincere offer to in principle reemploy all Nova teachers who desire it. Anytime an organization sees fit to use terms like in principle you can bet your bottom dollar they are hedging. Sure enough it's the principle here that rubs. G-String is only intending to reopen a limited number or schools so it has contacted those desirous of employment in areas where there is a school pegged to soon open. As for former employees elsewhere, don't call us we'll call you. What's doubly deceiving is that G-String gave the impression both implicitly and explicitly that it would pay teachers to wait at home. On a request for employment form that many of us filled out it stated that in the event a school was not opened in our area we would be paid to wait at home. In all fairness, nowhere on the form did it set a date for employment though we were invited to write one in. There was also mention of the fact that G-String would be closing their accounting books on the 20th of November in order that we would be paid on the 1st of December. This followed an announcement that no financial assistance would be given. Clearly the implication was that we would be paid for some of November prior to the 20th (though how much was never stated) as we would not be receiving any loans or signing bonuses. So let's retrace our footsteps. G-String stated outright that it would reemploy all those who desired it and explicitly said that people would be paid to wait at home. In addition, there was the implicit impression that we would receive some payment for November prior to the 20th - why else bother to mention the exceptional accounting practice for November only. In reality, G-String has not contacted people in areas where branches are not slated to open leaving them to wait unpaid until a branch opens. G-String has contacted people near opening branches, but will not be paying them (with the exception of a handful who will receive several days wages) for waiting at home prior to the 20th, meaning that the first substantial payment anyone might possibly receive will be in January. For those who haven't been counting that leaves most Nova teachers without income for three and a half months in the one of the most expensive countries in the world. G-String's miscommunication has further delayed people from claiming unemployment benefits and exacerbated an already bad situation. Thanks guys.

A Financially Solvent English School

Pictured right is the Hills English School, the only job left me. What's the secret of its success? The experience of its teachers? The cozy ambiance? Its location next to a mid-size train station? The fact that one of its main competitors is bankrupt? If you answered with any of the preceding, you wouldn't be far off. However, the true secret of Hills' success lies, rather hangs, in the awning. A good awning adds protection from the elements. When it rains the awning keeps you dry. When it's sunny the awning keeps you in the shade. A good awning is the foundation of any 'eikaiwa' school. In all my years with Nova I never once came across a branch with a proper awning. And where is Nova now? Coincidence? - I think not.

In order to get a clearer picture of what the life of an average, unemployed Nova teacher is like I have dispatched Asian Alien correspondent Nigel P. Witherspoon III to interview one. What follows is from Niles' report.


I sat down last evening in a dimly lit apartment to speak to 'Joe' about his life in recent times that I might glean a sense of what these unemployed Nova teachers are going through.

Me: Now, young Joseph, would you be so kind as to give my readers a rough sketch of how you pass a typical day since your employer closed its doors?

Joe: I don't think most people appreciate vodka as much as they should.

M: I do beg your pardon.

J: I think it must be the most versatile drink around. I mean, you can make any number or mixed drinks or cocktails using vodka as a base because of it has a pretty neutral flavor. You can mix vodka with almost any soft drink and it just adds a kick without really changing the flavor.

M: Sorry, Joseph, but I think my readers are less interested in your take on vodka than on your current lifestyle. Again, I put it to you - how have you been spending your time since Nova failed? Have you been, say, job hunting?

J: But it's not just good for mixing. Vodka shots are nice too. Everybody is really into Tequila shots these days, which I admit mess you up pretty quick, but actually a good vodka goes down a lot smoother. Do it like the Russians with a piece of raw garlic or slice of salami as a chaser. Either that or chase it with a swig of beer if you want to get drunk fast.

M: Right, fascinating. So would you say that you have been spending a lot of time drinking following Nova's demise?

J: Another thing about Vodka is that it's a lot cheaper than other spirits. Even a good bottle of Vodka will never set you back more than 1500 yen. And that's good when you're on a budget. Name me a decent whiskey for less than 2000 yen. Can't, can you?

M: Yes, I do see your point, but surely you've been doing more than just drinking vodka? Have you taken advantage of your time off to polish your resume, for instance? Or perhaps brush up on the old Japanese?

J: Vodka is pretty odorless too. If you mix Vodka people won't notice it on your breath at all. Just ask my wife. Actually, don't ask her 'cause than she'll know. But seriously, if you are looking for a pre-noon nip you should go with Vodka so others won't know you've been boozing.

M: Mmmm, yes, right. I see where not going to get much further with this. One more question Joe, are you willing to go back to Nova if and when it reopens?

J: Remember that Vodkas from Russia and Scandinavian countries are always the best. Kettle One is an exception - it's Dutch. Hey remember when the Michael Cain character in Austin Powers 2 said, "There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." That was pretty funny.

M: Uh, indeed. This has been Nigel P. Witherspoon the third reporting from 'Joe's' dimly lit vodka denizen.

Times must be tough when you receive rejection letters to jobs that you never applied for. I got both of these just yesterday.

The first is from the Iwate Takamori Kokuritsukoen, a national park that sits on 2.5 sprawling acres between several housing developments and a highway in Iwate prefecture.

Dear Mr G****,

Thank you for your request for information regarding positions vacant at the Iwate Takamori Ranger Station as advertised in the October issue of 'Foresters Almanac'.

Unfortunately we are unable to process your request at this time as your lack of experience in bark rehabilitation, specifically birch peel and oak molt disease control and response, means that you would not be allowed to hold the full Ranger/coordinator license required for this application.

We wish you luck in the future and, upon completion of the necessary certification we hope you will apply to any further positions offered within our department.

Kind regards,

Kimihisa Sakiyama.

If that weren't depressing enough I then received one from a Montreal based IT firm that specialize in worldwide fetish events.

Cher Monsieur G***** :

Apres une brève analyse de votre lettre de présentation et votre CV, nous regrettons de vous informer que nous ne sommes pas en mésure de traiter votre demande d'emploi chez "Japanese Panty Explosion in Paris!!

Nous vous prions de croire, Matthew, l'assurance de nos sentiments distingués.

L'équipe Japanese Panty Explosion in Paris

All is not lost however, I also received an unsolicited phone call from a Japanese company looking to restart a failed chain of language schools. They claim to be familiar with my work and evidently would like to place me ASAP. Given the tight job market in forestry, fetish events and eikaiwa, I might take them up on their offer.

(My regards to The Captain & Cramer for the bulk of the creative content herein)

Home Alone Waiting By The Phone
To judge from what is being posted in forums at Facebook, Gaijinpot and Let'sJapan, there are a lot of nervous, Nova teachers sitting by the phone just waiting for it to ring. After being promised employment we were then told to wait for a call. This whole episode must remind people of what it was like to start dating in High School. Does G-Comm like me? Will G call today, tomorrow, ever? Quick everyone,dandelions - he hires me, he hires me not

All's quiet on the Eastern Front










So G-Communications is now in the business of finding keys. Evidently this must be slow going as the only indication of branches re-opening that I've heard of is one in Nagoya, coincidentally in the same city that their head office is located. Guess they must be in good with the local locksmiths. Last week we were hearing that the Golden 30 might be up and running as soon as this week. Now it seems that only Nagoya is going to be open at the end of this week

This is the latest offering from the press - link
Funnily, it states that G-Comm wants to have the Golden 30 open by the middle of this month. Excuse me for pointing this out, but we are in the middle of this month. I don't blame the corporate entities as much as the media for these types of gaffes.

Meanwhile starving teachers prostitute themselves (figuratively of course) for as little as 500 yen a lesson if we are to believe this article. No wonder there is so much animosity from non-Nova teachers in Japan - this is really depressing wages. 3000yen an hour plus transportation should be the bare minimum. Yikes!

P.S. I did an article for Phil at ajarn.com - link

G's In Da' House

This grainy image that I snapped on my cell phone is of an informational meeting that was held in Nova's head office yesterday. It was one of two identical sessions held in Tokyo. Another two were held in Osaka, as well as several out of the way branches for those in the sticks. To be honest, there wasn't a lot of content that hadn't already been posted somewhere on the net. The receivers (government bankruptcy lawyers placed in charge of Nova) spoke. The acquiring company, G-Communications, spoke. Several government agencies spoke about unpaid wages and unemployment benefits. In fact, everyone except representatives of the failed Nova Corporation spoke. A bit disappointing as there was no one at whom to vent our collective spleen. However, it was nice to hear that G-Comm was offering employment to all who desired it, and furthermore would pay salaries regardless of whether there was a working location for employees. In effect they are going to pay us to stay home. A lot of people were of course skeptical of this, but I had run the scenario through my little noggin' and had come to the same conclusion. They really have no choice at this point. It would be the same as paying rent on locations that they may not reopen immediately - no pay, no play. Here G-dawg has made an investment to acquire the company, but if they lose the human infrastructure what good are all the chairs and textbooks. As for offering financial assistance, they really didn't, but will do some quick accounting to get people paid on the 1st of December for part of November. So I actually believe that these Gs are going to make good on their promise; it would be less logical if they didn't. I don't think they have any of the overseas recruiting apparatus so they basically have no way to constitute a workforce other than to start paying their destitute, orphaned Novaites forthwith. A slightly humorous remark made by the president of G-spot, and I paraphrase from memory, "We are all in difficult circumstances. For example, we don't currently know where the keys to many of the branches are." Great, let's keep it that way - I'm enjoying my paid holidays.

A pictureless post!

Somewhat dark days are upon us here in Japanland. Unfortunately, it now appears that Nova is unsalvageable. The Japanese staff will not have been paid for a month and our payday has, for the first time in my 8 years with the company, been pushed back from the 15th to the 19th, though I hold little hope that we will be paid on the 19th. I have been in touch with Phil at ajarn.com and will put together a multi page article on the details of Nova's demise when ('if' seems unrealistic) it fully submerges. Obviously losing a job is not a pleasant experience, but I do qualify for unemployment and have spoken with the owner at Hills about increasing my hours in the event Nova closes. I expect I will transition out of this much less painfully than some people with families, mortgages, etc.. I am not one to wallow in self pity...even if my life has been a hard one. I won't allow difficulty to stand in my way. I remember a youth spent sharing a bedroom with my brother and the stigma attached to not having a Nintendo as soon as it came out (we waited half a year as I recall). But these facts only inspired me to work hard at school and consistently pull down a B+ average. Though I could only afford a state University I was determined to prove my worth and I drank as much as many of the working class kids though they had more practice throughout high school. Upon graduation I was forced to flee the United States because of my fluency in French. I spent many a cold night in Quebec with only a belly full of beer (and shared apartment) to keep me warm. Later I came to Japan. Again I was persecuted due to the color of my skin and forced to drink for free at the behest of Japanese people looking for foreign friends...mine is a life of woe. A years sojourn in Thailand saw me temporarily rich on cattle ranching, but the expenses of keeping a farm forced me back to Japan and into this mess. Oh God, Why me? Why me? Soon I shall have to live without the means to eat out more than several times a week and I may even be forced to drink wines in provenance of Chile or South Africa. Nonetheless, I shall survive.

Where bladders are bursting and bowels are bulging...Where mere mortals search in vain for a vestibule of relief...Where last night's burrito and the morning coffee collide...Where happy hour drinks plead for an exit...One man stands alone against all odds...One man guides the urgently needy to an oasis of comfort...That man is...Toilet Man!

This blog haunts me. Not that I post frequently, but it does linger somewhere in the back of my head whispering, post, post, post you lazy son-of-a-bitch. I have been posting pictures and though that makes for a pleasant read, it's really difficult constantly coming up with a relevant image and half the time I end up posting with the picture as a starting point rather than just posting . With that, I've decided I am not going to necessarily post pictures anymore unless I have something relevant or entertaining.

The company I work for - Nova - is teetering on the verge of bankruptcy. Rumors abound and everyone drops in their 3 or 4 cents at least in internet forums. I have decided that if, in life, there is something over which I have no present, or future prospects, of control I will not worry about it. So like Bobby McFerrin, I don't worry... I be happy

My supposed weekly posts have now become monthly - shame on me. My mother visited in June and we had a lovely time seeking out the several unspoilt vistas in Japan in front of which a decent picture can be snapped. Here Mom and Pocky pose with a student of mine who pays for my time by laboring at a Japanese restaurant that coincidentally happens to find itself next to a Japanese garden. Serendipity!

What's Cooking?
Almost always something good around here. Take a look at what the wife whipped up the other night - not quite sure what it is , but it certainly was good. The combo of living in Japan with a Thai wife (who is a fantastic cook) puts me into the culinary sweet spot of Asia. Now if I could just incorporate a Chinese neighbor and Korean landlady into the mix - I might never leave.

Phil at Ajarn.com, a site devoted to teaching in Thailand, has again put me on the hotseat, an interview section where I answer question about teaching in Japan. Rather than outline what I said, I'll just include the link here.

One of the interesting aspects of working in the Eikaiwa industry is observing employers inventive attempts at grabbing more market share. Several years ago the idea of classes for 2 year-olds accompanied by a guardian was introduced. I have no stats to back me up, but I get the impression that this market share was just too thin and exclusive (most parents just want to dump their kids and take advantage of the two-birds-with-one-stone English and babysitting hour) to really be profitable. Now my main employer has introduced a geriatrics element, err... senior citizens class. Smart move considering Japan's ageing population.

Another trend that effects teachers is the small school effect. As competing companies move into smaller areas, in Japan terms - smaller stations, the one or two teacher school is in vogue. When I moved here in '99 I spent five days a week in the same branch. Some of the smaller employers would farm their teachers out here and there, but not the big guys. Times have changed. Next month I will be working at three locations a week for my main employer. Personally, I like the variation in a job where monotony seems the biggest challenge. My second job is at what I would term a "boutique conversational school" (just to be trendy and a touch precious). The experience is much more personal and unique, but the downside is the predictability.

As to whether the efforts to garnish more customers through expanding age ranges or geography have translated into a positive change for teachers is largely subjective, but that may be highly academic as teachers have little choice in who or where they teach.

Money Money Money Money...money

Interesting days for yen holders. The yen/dollar exchange rate has gone from 120 yen to the dollar down to 115 in the course of several days. I am not displeased at this turn of events as I send a lot of money back to the US to pay back debt and make investments. The Economist has a take on the currency situation here for anyone as boring as I am. One issue that any career teacher in Asia has is that of what to do with any extra money - assuming that there is any extra money. I wouldn't feel comfortable investing to much money in Thailand, nor do the almost non-existent interest rates offered by Japanese banks appeal to me. As for trying to invest money in securities in either country I would have to have much better language skills to piece through the offerings, but who would I be kidding - the US is rife with financial services and information... why would I invest through a foreign intermediary?

There are several ways to send money out of Japan. The cheapest way is through a postal money order. This only costs a thousand yen, but requires paperwork, standing in line and most dauntingly - dealing with postal bureaucrats. A less painful solution is to use Lloyd's banking services to transfer money simply using an ATM and bank card, although there is an initial application process. It costs an extra thousand yen, but it may well be the best use of a thousand yen I make in a month.

Of course, in addition to working, I also take donations and the countless hours I put into this blog come at the expense of my time and health so if you'd like to throw some mullah my way contact me about options for money transfer in the other direction ;)

It's been well over a year since I posted last, begging the question why. Well, one reason is that I was without Internet until September of last year - an experiment in primitive living that included residing in a house without hot water (don't ask). Another reason is that my 7 day week work schedule is hardly conducive to creative enterprise or, for that matter, any enterprise beyond eating and sleeping. But recently I have found myself with some extra time in the mornings and have batted around the idea of re-starting this here blog. One of the difficulties that I face with this endeavour is material. Life in Japan is certainly more comfortable than in Thailand, but not a lot going on, at least with me. Also Japan isn't as picture-worthy as Thailand. In fact, this big Buddha snapshot was taken in '05 before my Thai adventure began. So what will be the premise of Asian Alien in the future? Hard to say, but I think I will try to focus on how the larger world affects/effects my life here in Japan with my Thai wife. I will focus more on world events and less on myself, not in an zany zen attempt to lose the egotistical self, but rather as a means to keep content here interesting because my day to day life is about as bland as plain tofu. So welcome back, my apologies for the long hiatus and I plan to post a minimum of once a week so keep tuned.