Not only is it a bargain sale, but also price down and limited sale

Having fried the keyboard on my new computer, it's with great appreciation that I welcome back the Captain's creative genius.

Dear Mr G****,

I am writing regarding your complaint concerning the application process for positions vacant in the R/D department of the Kyushu Tuna Farm Feasibility Project.

As I am sure you are aware we protect the confidentiality of all applications and take the issue of applicant privacy very seriously; to this end I am unable to give you any information regarding which applicant gained the position and to how we arrived at a final shortlist. Although I cannot fulfill your request for information I can give you a breakdown of why your own application was unsuccessful.

1.Throughout my career in both university and governmental level commercial piscine breeding research projects I have yet to come across a food fish, either freshwater or oceanic, that required tutelage in the difference between noun and verb forms in modern English. Although you make a good case for ever depleting tuna stocks needing business English to get ahead in the "ever tightening Asian job market", I do not believe that a) tuna have a larynx that can manipulate air flow to the degree required for human speech, or b) they care one whit above nothing about eikaiwa jobs opening up across Beijing and other industrial Chinese cities.

2. As you state in your resume and referred to a number of times in your letter of complaint you have, having grown up in rural New England, had a great deal of exposure to modern ploughing techniques. Although your proposal to set up a training program to improve our general skill base here at KTFFP I feel it is important to point out that fish farms have never, to the best of my knowledge, employed Peterbilt or John Deer tractor equipment at any of the world`s fish farms.

I hope this letter has answered your questions fully and successfully.

Kind regards,

Toshiko Yamada, Chief Researcher and Personnel Officer, KTFFP

For your consumption

With all my attention focused on the plight of Nova and its teachers I failed to dedicate much page space to the students. In order to rectify this, Niles P. Witherspoon III was sent on assignment to get a feel for how the students are enduring life without their regular fix of communication with the foreign countries people.

Hironobu Ogura is a former Nova student of five years who found himself out two hundred thousand yen when Nova filed for protective bankruptcy on the 26th of October. His frustration surely resonates with many who were caught up in what is being dubbed the worst post-war consumer scandal to hit Japan.

NPWIII: Mr. Ogura, bring us back, if you will, to the moment when you first learned Nova was closed and you wouldn't be able to continue classes.

HO: I'm fine thank you and you.

NPWIII: Very well, thank you. So, when did you find out Nova was closed?

HO: Maa...soo desu ne... I think Nova close...maybe end October...kana.

NPWIII: Precisely, the end of October. But what was your reaction to losing so much money. You were out almost 2ooo dollars American, were you not?

HO: You are American people? I very like New York. Also Los...I am baseball fan Dodgers. How about you?

NPWIII: Ah, well, I suppose if I were forced to patronize a sporting contest, it would be cricket. Anyway, back to the main thrust of this. Were you quite angry that Nova's bankruptcy essentially defrauded you of a lot of money?

HO: I think so. How about you?

NPWIII: No, no. I never attended Nova. I am a journalist. The question is...Are...you...angry? (making devil horns with my fingers - Japanese body language for angry).

HO: Oh yes! Anry. Maa...ne... And I question you?

NPWIII: Very well.

HO: Can you eat Japanese food?

NPWIII: I do like it, if that's your question.

HO: Can you raw fish?

NPWIII: Sushi? Yes. Now back to Nova. Would you consider signing up with the new Nova? New Nova good?

HO: How about Japanese chopstick? You can use?

NPWIII: Good lord. I do hope Nova reopens quickly. You certainly need another 5 years.

HO: Thank you for your kindness.

The Devil Is In The Detail

This is a shot of a an enka performance held in front of the station where I've started back to work. Enka is a form of Japanese music that predates J-pop. It's heavy on vocals with a muzak accompaniment. Think cat strangulation in an elevator.