I have to be careful about what I post on this blog. I am giving away some price moments for free. Here’s another gem coming absolutely gratis. I have figured a way to defeat Ma Song and Pocky when they gang up on me in spitfire Lao and then laugh heartily while motioning at my midriff; I only need brandish our latest purchase…the vacuum. As the woman at the store put it when Pocky asked about the usage of the vacuum cleaner, “It comes from farang. Farang know how to use it.” (Insert the word ‘foreigner’ in the place of farang and you’ll see why Thailand isn’t part of the G7.) Well, come from farang it does, and I, for one, will be putting its magic powers to fine use if I hear one more beer belly quip in any Austro-Thai language. The fact is that the vacuum cleaner is not a standard appliance in the Thai home, then again rugs aren’t either. This means that the wild whirring of the vacuum is to me what gunpowder was to the conquistadors – a thunderstick. Both Pocky and her mom were extremely reluctant to touch the suction end of the device, and jumped when they did. Ma Song has dubbed it ‘the little car’ due to the two wheels and boxlike countenance. They have just gone off to get a movie but if they come back and start in on me, I’m reaching for my Imarflex VC-807 and we’re going to learn the expression “For the love of God, No!” in the Northern dialect of Thai.