In order to get a clearer picture of what the life of an average, unemployed Nova teacher is like I have dispatched Asian Alien correspondent Nigel P. Witherspoon III to interview one. What follows is from Niles' report.


I sat down last evening in a dimly lit apartment to speak to 'Joe' about his life in recent times that I might glean a sense of what these unemployed Nova teachers are going through.

Me: Now, young Joseph, would you be so kind as to give my readers a rough sketch of how you pass a typical day since your employer closed its doors?

Joe: I don't think most people appreciate vodka as much as they should.

M: I do beg your pardon.

J: I think it must be the most versatile drink around. I mean, you can make any number or mixed drinks or cocktails using vodka as a base because of it has a pretty neutral flavor. You can mix vodka with almost any soft drink and it just adds a kick without really changing the flavor.

M: Sorry, Joseph, but I think my readers are less interested in your take on vodka than on your current lifestyle. Again, I put it to you - how have you been spending your time since Nova failed? Have you been, say, job hunting?

J: But it's not just good for mixing. Vodka shots are nice too. Everybody is really into Tequila shots these days, which I admit mess you up pretty quick, but actually a good vodka goes down a lot smoother. Do it like the Russians with a piece of raw garlic or slice of salami as a chaser. Either that or chase it with a swig of beer if you want to get drunk fast.

M: Right, fascinating. So would you say that you have been spending a lot of time drinking following Nova's demise?

J: Another thing about Vodka is that it's a lot cheaper than other spirits. Even a good bottle of Vodka will never set you back more than 1500 yen. And that's good when you're on a budget. Name me a decent whiskey for less than 2000 yen. Can't, can you?

M: Yes, I do see your point, but surely you've been doing more than just drinking vodka? Have you taken advantage of your time off to polish your resume, for instance? Or perhaps brush up on the old Japanese?

J: Vodka is pretty odorless too. If you mix Vodka people won't notice it on your breath at all. Just ask my wife. Actually, don't ask her 'cause than she'll know. But seriously, if you are looking for a pre-noon nip you should go with Vodka so others won't know you've been boozing.

M: Mmmm, yes, right. I see where not going to get much further with this. One more question Joe, are you willing to go back to Nova if and when it reopens?

J: Remember that Vodkas from Russia and Scandinavian countries are always the best. Kettle One is an exception - it's Dutch. Hey remember when the Michael Cain character in Austin Powers 2 said, "There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." That was pretty funny.

M: Uh, indeed. This has been Nigel P. Witherspoon the third reporting from 'Joe's' dimly lit vodka denizen.