Times must be tough when you receive rejection letters to jobs that you never applied for. I got both of these just yesterday.

The first is from the Iwate Takamori Kokuritsukoen, a national park that sits on 2.5 sprawling acres between several housing developments and a highway in Iwate prefecture.

Dear Mr G****,

Thank you for your request for information regarding positions vacant at the Iwate Takamori Ranger Station as advertised in the October issue of 'Foresters Almanac'.

Unfortunately we are unable to process your request at this time as your lack of experience in bark rehabilitation, specifically birch peel and oak molt disease control and response, means that you would not be allowed to hold the full Ranger/coordinator license required for this application.

We wish you luck in the future and, upon completion of the necessary certification we hope you will apply to any further positions offered within our department.

Kind regards,

Kimihisa Sakiyama.

If that weren't depressing enough I then received one from a Montreal based IT firm that specialize in worldwide fetish events.

Cher Monsieur G***** :

Apres une brève analyse de votre lettre de présentation et votre CV, nous regrettons de vous informer que nous ne sommes pas en mésure de traiter votre demande d'emploi chez "Japanese Panty Explosion in Paris!!

Nous vous prions de croire, Matthew, l'assurance de nos sentiments distingués.

L'équipe Japanese Panty Explosion in Paris

All is not lost however, I also received an unsolicited phone call from a Japanese company looking to restart a failed chain of language schools. They claim to be familiar with my work and evidently would like to place me ASAP. Given the tight job market in forestry, fetish events and eikaiwa, I might take them up on their offer.

(My regards to The Captain & Cramer for the bulk of the creative content herein)