Teenage Sweet Mullet indeed!

...from the cover of a Thai magazine in case you were interested. It seems Sweet Mullet is a rock band.

In other news, although I haven't gotten around to repairing the computer keyboard, I did buy an external one with the annoying Japanese layout, which makes finding the correct punctation difficult. Such is life...

A more thorough update on work will be forthcoming. Hopefully, the next several months will be bearable at the current setup and fruitful in the job search department.

Not only is it a bargain sale, but also price down and limited sale

Having fried the keyboard on my new computer, it's with great appreciation that I welcome back the Captain's creative genius.

Dear Mr G****,

I am writing regarding your complaint concerning the application process for positions vacant in the R/D department of the Kyushu Tuna Farm Feasibility Project.

As I am sure you are aware we protect the confidentiality of all applications and take the issue of applicant privacy very seriously; to this end I am unable to give you any information regarding which applicant gained the position and to how we arrived at a final shortlist. Although I cannot fulfill your request for information I can give you a breakdown of why your own application was unsuccessful.

1.Throughout my career in both university and governmental level commercial piscine breeding research projects I have yet to come across a food fish, either freshwater or oceanic, that required tutelage in the difference between noun and verb forms in modern English. Although you make a good case for ever depleting tuna stocks needing business English to get ahead in the "ever tightening Asian job market", I do not believe that a) tuna have a larynx that can manipulate air flow to the degree required for human speech, or b) they care one whit above nothing about eikaiwa jobs opening up across Beijing and other industrial Chinese cities.

2. As you state in your resume and referred to a number of times in your letter of complaint you have, having grown up in rural New England, had a great deal of exposure to modern ploughing techniques. Although your proposal to set up a training program to improve our general skill base here at KTFFP I feel it is important to point out that fish farms have never, to the best of my knowledge, employed Peterbilt or John Deer tractor equipment at any of the world`s fish farms.

I hope this letter has answered your questions fully and successfully.

Kind regards,

Toshiko Yamada, Chief Researcher and Personnel Officer, KTFFP

For your consumption

With all my attention focused on the plight of Nova and its teachers I failed to dedicate much page space to the students. In order to rectify this, Niles P. Witherspoon III was sent on assignment to get a feel for how the students are enduring life without their regular fix of communication with the foreign countries people.

Hironobu Ogura is a former Nova student of five years who found himself out two hundred thousand yen when Nova filed for protective bankruptcy on the 26th of October. His frustration surely resonates with many who were caught up in what is being dubbed the worst post-war consumer scandal to hit Japan.

NPWIII: Mr. Ogura, bring us back, if you will, to the moment when you first learned Nova was closed and you wouldn't be able to continue classes.

HO: I'm fine thank you and you.

NPWIII: Very well, thank you. So, when did you find out Nova was closed?

HO: Maa...soo desu ne... I think Nova close...maybe end October...kana.

NPWIII: Precisely, the end of October. But what was your reaction to losing so much money. You were out almost 2ooo dollars American, were you not?

HO: You are American people? I very like New York. Also Los...I am baseball fan Dodgers. How about you?

NPWIII: Ah, well, I suppose if I were forced to patronize a sporting contest, it would be cricket. Anyway, back to the main thrust of this. Were you quite angry that Nova's bankruptcy essentially defrauded you of a lot of money?

HO: I think so. How about you?

NPWIII: No, no. I never attended Nova. I am a journalist. The question is...Are...you...angry? (making devil horns with my fingers - Japanese body language for angry).

HO: Oh yes! Anry. Maa...ne... And I question you?

NPWIII: Very well.

HO: Can you eat Japanese food?

NPWIII: I do like it, if that's your question.

HO: Can you raw fish?

NPWIII: Sushi? Yes. Now back to Nova. Would you consider signing up with the new Nova? New Nova good?

HO: How about Japanese chopstick? You can use?

NPWIII: Good lord. I do hope Nova reopens quickly. You certainly need another 5 years.

HO: Thank you for your kindness.

The Devil Is In The Detail

This is a shot of a an enka performance held in front of the station where I've started back to work. Enka is a form of Japanese music that predates J-pop. It's heavy on vocals with a muzak accompaniment. Think cat strangulation in an elevator.

This is a pond


I started work yesterday for G-Nova. To clarify Nova is a school name that is owned by G-Communication and seemingly overseen by G-Education, a subsidiary of G-Communication. To the best of my understanding Nova is not a company owned by G-Communications in so far as we will be receiving our wages directly through G-Communications which owns G-Education, which in turn is running some former Nova schools under the Nova name. Hope that was as clear as mud. Without going into all the dry details, we were given two options - a)immediate employment and a 50,000yen salary advance if so desired / b) a payment (retainer fee) of 150,000yen to start work January 10th. About two-thirds of us took the first option as it was more money overall. One thing that surprised me is that there were only about twenty-five teachers that were in a attendance yesterday. This was the first branch to open in the region and would be the starting point for most teachers left in the area. Twenty five is only about five teachers heavy to run the branch (it used to be fairly big) at full capacity, meaning that there is not as much excess as I had predicted. Unless I am extrapolating too much from one random school, G-Nova doesn't have the teacher numbers to open very many branches. And then there is the one-third that chose the potential 'take the money and run' option b. Will they even bother to come back now that they have airfare home?

All the lights are on, but no one's home

I taught a private lesson yesterday at the shopping center where one of my old branches was located. A now notorious 'satellite' school that was part of the recipe for disaster,this branch never had more than one teacher at any given time and often the students (if there were any) got lucky man to man lessons. In short,the place was hemorrhaging money. Although it will likely never reopen, it's protected by the bankruptcy proceedings. The lights in the back were off, but I assume that the front lights are on the shopping center circuit, hence the useless illumination.

In other news, I was contacted by the G-men. If you think this takes some of the bite out of my last post, I would disagree. Their timing may seem fortuitous, but I held off on that post for several days. As for my assertion that we were somewhat misled...I stand by it. So will I go back and work for these guys? Yes. Why? Why not? They are going to give me my old days off allowing my to continue working at Hills. The combined income is something I couldn't get elsewhere without entering the perilous world of headhunting. I'm not going to cut off my nose in spite of my face. I came back to Japan for one reason, and one reason only...money. I would be back in Thailand tomorrow if I had a financial windfall. My purpose in being here is not to build a career, rather than to save enough that in 3 to 5 years I can return to Thailand with money invested. My hope is that the investment will create a second income stream that will equal that of a teaching salary. In other words, my total income would be double that of an average TEFLer in Thailand. If I can achieve this then I will be more or less financially secure and will have a lifestyle that I would not have otherwise. The only question is will G-Nova be around for another 3 to 5 years. That will be the subject for another post. But things are not off to a stellar start...

(Mis)Communication is leaving a lot of people out in the cold. They have some pretty big shoes to fill as they are taking on the most scandalous English outfit in Japan, if not the whole of Asia. It seems they are up to the challenge, however. G-String, as they will be known henceforth due to the fact they are already stringing along employees, has begun operations predicated on the insincere offer to in principle reemploy all Nova teachers who desire it. Anytime an organization sees fit to use terms like in principle you can bet your bottom dollar they are hedging. Sure enough it's the principle here that rubs. G-String is only intending to reopen a limited number or schools so it has contacted those desirous of employment in areas where there is a school pegged to soon open. As for former employees elsewhere, don't call us we'll call you. What's doubly deceiving is that G-String gave the impression both implicitly and explicitly that it would pay teachers to wait at home. On a request for employment form that many of us filled out it stated that in the event a school was not opened in our area we would be paid to wait at home. In all fairness, nowhere on the form did it set a date for employment though we were invited to write one in. There was also mention of the fact that G-String would be closing their accounting books on the 20th of November in order that we would be paid on the 1st of December. This followed an announcement that no financial assistance would be given. Clearly the implication was that we would be paid for some of November prior to the 20th (though how much was never stated) as we would not be receiving any loans or signing bonuses. So let's retrace our footsteps. G-String stated outright that it would reemploy all those who desired it and explicitly said that people would be paid to wait at home. In addition, there was the implicit impression that we would receive some payment for November prior to the 20th - why else bother to mention the exceptional accounting practice for November only. In reality, G-String has not contacted people in areas where branches are not slated to open leaving them to wait unpaid until a branch opens. G-String has contacted people near opening branches, but will not be paying them (with the exception of a handful who will receive several days wages) for waiting at home prior to the 20th, meaning that the first substantial payment anyone might possibly receive will be in January. For those who haven't been counting that leaves most Nova teachers without income for three and a half months in the one of the most expensive countries in the world. G-String's miscommunication has further delayed people from claiming unemployment benefits and exacerbated an already bad situation. Thanks guys.

A Financially Solvent English School

Pictured right is the Hills English School, the only job left me. What's the secret of its success? The experience of its teachers? The cozy ambiance? Its location next to a mid-size train station? The fact that one of its main competitors is bankrupt? If you answered with any of the preceding, you wouldn't be far off. However, the true secret of Hills' success lies, rather hangs, in the awning. A good awning adds protection from the elements. When it rains the awning keeps you dry. When it's sunny the awning keeps you in the shade. A good awning is the foundation of any 'eikaiwa' school. In all my years with Nova I never once came across a branch with a proper awning. And where is Nova now? Coincidence? - I think not.

In order to get a clearer picture of what the life of an average, unemployed Nova teacher is like I have dispatched Asian Alien correspondent Nigel P. Witherspoon III to interview one. What follows is from Niles' report.


I sat down last evening in a dimly lit apartment to speak to 'Joe' about his life in recent times that I might glean a sense of what these unemployed Nova teachers are going through.

Me: Now, young Joseph, would you be so kind as to give my readers a rough sketch of how you pass a typical day since your employer closed its doors?

Joe: I don't think most people appreciate vodka as much as they should.

M: I do beg your pardon.

J: I think it must be the most versatile drink around. I mean, you can make any number or mixed drinks or cocktails using vodka as a base because of it has a pretty neutral flavor. You can mix vodka with almost any soft drink and it just adds a kick without really changing the flavor.

M: Sorry, Joseph, but I think my readers are less interested in your take on vodka than on your current lifestyle. Again, I put it to you - how have you been spending your time since Nova failed? Have you been, say, job hunting?

J: But it's not just good for mixing. Vodka shots are nice too. Everybody is really into Tequila shots these days, which I admit mess you up pretty quick, but actually a good vodka goes down a lot smoother. Do it like the Russians with a piece of raw garlic or slice of salami as a chaser. Either that or chase it with a swig of beer if you want to get drunk fast.

M: Right, fascinating. So would you say that you have been spending a lot of time drinking following Nova's demise?

J: Another thing about Vodka is that it's a lot cheaper than other spirits. Even a good bottle of Vodka will never set you back more than 1500 yen. And that's good when you're on a budget. Name me a decent whiskey for less than 2000 yen. Can't, can you?

M: Yes, I do see your point, but surely you've been doing more than just drinking vodka? Have you taken advantage of your time off to polish your resume, for instance? Or perhaps brush up on the old Japanese?

J: Vodka is pretty odorless too. If you mix Vodka people won't notice it on your breath at all. Just ask my wife. Actually, don't ask her 'cause than she'll know. But seriously, if you are looking for a pre-noon nip you should go with Vodka so others won't know you've been boozing.

M: Mmmm, yes, right. I see where not going to get much further with this. One more question Joe, are you willing to go back to Nova if and when it reopens?

J: Remember that Vodkas from Russia and Scandinavian countries are always the best. Kettle One is an exception - it's Dutch. Hey remember when the Michael Cain character in Austin Powers 2 said, "There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." That was pretty funny.

M: Uh, indeed. This has been Nigel P. Witherspoon the third reporting from 'Joe's' dimly lit vodka denizen.